15 Types Of People You Meet At Walmart

Read on to hear about the 15 people you meet at Walmart, and judge for yourself whether you could end up on this list.

#1 The “I Might Be in Costume Or I Might Have Worked at Hooters in the 80s”

You knew we’d start off with a bang. And this rock and roll woman never seems to have stopped banging, judging from both the hair and the hot pink underwear. She represents one of Walmart’s most profitable demographics, the aging rock star dancers. Yes, from the hair down to the thong she’s a perfect example of what people who worked at Hooters in the 80s probably would have looked like. And she never left! She’s just moved on to Walmart now, instead of traipsing through the tables. But… Wait. Is this actually her, or is this a costume? While the hair looks too terrible to be anything but real, her skin has a weird texture to it… Could she actually be part of the people who wear costumes to shop at Walmart? Quite possibly. These people are even weirder, as you’ll see in the next couple pictures. We’ll leave it up to you to decide which camp she falls in, but we stand by our statement: Walmart people are gross.

#2 The “He’s a Lumberjack and He’s Okay”

We definitely thought this was a woman, or a woman wearing a hilarious shirt at first. The hair looks too artfully placed to be anything but, even though we know that it’s probably not the case. Especially getting a closer look at that profile angle. You can clearly see the beard there, and we can’t help but laugh. Seriously. Those luxurious locks of golden blonde have a distinctly feminine quality about them. The way they shine and look so well taken care of. It’s hard to believe that that ponytail is cascading down such a hairy back. This is a huge part of the people who make up Walmart. Those who ask for a second (and third) glance. Who defy expectation just by their very existence. These people are the expectation screwers of Walmart, and we don’t know what we’d do without them.

#3 The “Scooter People”

The sporting goods is always a popular aisle, but did you know it’s even popular with elderly, overweight people in scooters? It’s true! Walmart has everything, including sporting goods for these unlikely, old athletes. Or at least, that’s what we assume when looking at this hilarious shot. Traffic jams are common on the road, with cars, buses, and trucks all getting in each other’s way. In Walmart, one of the main types of people you’ll meet is those on the scooters. Now, there are people of all shapes and sizes who use scooters, and there are all sorts of reasons. You shouldn’t judge someone for using a scooter. BUT. There’s definitely a trend in Walmart shoppers who use scooters. They’re often old, loud, and larger than average size. They also don’t like to be kept waiting. Case in point, this hilarious traffic jam. Every one of them is trying to get where they’re going, and it’s just not working. Oh no! We hope they sorted it out, but this rare photo evidence is solid proof of yet another Walmart stereotype.

#4 The “Lost Beach Bunnies Who Disappoint Mom”

This woman’s face says it all. “What the F is she wearing?” With a heavy sigh and a shake of the head, we can only agree. We can’t offer any answers as to the why or how this young woman is walking around Walmart in what essentially amounts to her underwear, but we can say this: This tattooed beach bunny seems to have gotten lost and ended up in line at a Walmart. She’s part of a growing problem of beachgoers dressed inappropriately stopping for a “quick snack pick up” at Walmart. While you’ll likely only see these people in the summertime, it’s not unheard of to find women in bikinis all the way up until October, depending on which state you live in. A mid-winter Texas road trip? What a perfect time to show off your body by strutting through Walmart mostly nude. Please, ladies, cover up and eventually you’ll stop getting these middle-aged Mums looking so exasperated at you.

#5 The “Inappropriately Dressed Young Women of Walmart”

She represents a large demographic of Walmart shoppers, which is inappropriately dressed young women. Unlike those who strut through the store wearing their bathing suits, these are girls who have actively made a choice to put on clothing… But didn’t quite put on enough. From fishnet body suits to barely-there thong underwear, it’s unacceptable to be out in a public place dressed in such skimpy clothes. Not only is it cold, but it’s a little unsanitary too. What happens if you leave a sweat pool on a couch? Or if one of the hot food samplers spills something on your bare skin? It’s just too risky. Not to mention the fact that it looks kind of gross too. This woman is wearing clothes that are clearly too small for her, and that pink tank top basically disappears into her skin. It’s too small, and shows off every lump and bump. If it was longer we would accept it, but by pairing it with those terrible shorts and chasmic crack… She earns the title of Queen of “poorly dressed young women of Walmart”.

#6 The “Reasons Walmart Puts Out Hand Sanitizer”

OH NO. This is even worse than the last guy! What is it with overweight men and ill-fitting pants? Just buy a belt! We get that you might not fit into regular sizes, but it’s no excuse to have shorts so low we can see your skid marked underwear. This is beyond a skid and is heading into full out smear category. His jeans are not doing a great job concealing that stain, and whoever took this photo had to have been quick to catch the embarrassment. Thank you, photographer, for capturing this rare Walmart person specimen. He’s the ideal example of the unhygienic side of Walmart, and makes us thankful they sell hand sanitizer. It’s people like this that make us scared of touching anything in Walmart and reminds us to wash as soon as we get home. Most Walmart shoppers are gross, and if you don’t believe us… Well, just open your eyes!

#7 The “Weird Walmart Date Couples”

Thank goodness this large man’s underwear is clean. These two represent a weirder sort of Walmart patron, the strange couples that spend their day wandering through the aisles. These two look like they’re on a great, romantic date. But doing… What, exactly? Maybe they stripped down to prepare for some hot canned-goods-aisle hooking up. Or maybe they just wanted to share their awesome bodies with the world. We might have guessed they were on their way to the beach judging from her outfit, but his tells a different story. Slip-on shoes, tight, white underwear, and a baseball cap: it’s a perfect shopping costume. Weird couples of Walmart, take note! Nobody wants to look at your sweaty bodies and ill-fitting underwear. It makes us all uncomfortable, and we dread meeting you in the aisles. If you’ve ever been a part of a Walmart couple, be happy you got out while you still could have… You might have ended up like these two!

#8 The “Queens of the Walmart Beauty Aisle”

Walmart, for all your beauty needs. This photo shows a whole different side of Walmart people. For those that are on the side of beauty, but still want to stay on budget. Luckily for you folks, there’s the Walmart beauty aisle! Look how effective their weird beauty products are, like nail growth serum. This woman is the Walmart beauty aisle queen, and rightfully so. Her fingers are hitting the floor. It must take bottle after bottle of nail polish to cover them, and even then… It looks like she ran out. No wonder she found herself back at Walmart! She needed to get more! She’s a perfect example of the beauty queens of Walmart. Other queens you might have seen? The girls with face tattoos looking for the perfect shade of pink eyebrow pencil, and the tired teenage mothers stealing the perfect shade of red lipstick to complete their nightlife look.

#9 The “Final Fantasy IS REAL”

Who doesn’t love a good tail? While we’re not super clear on whether this guy is a furry, or just likes the feeling of having a tail bouncing along behind him, one thing is for sure… He’s the epitome of gross balding internet men. This breed only likes to come out during the day if it’s to go to Walmart to pick up more Rockstars and Cheetos. They live in the realm of fantasy, only creeping out of caves to visit places like Walmart, which makes them perfect as stereotypes for this article. Let’s talk about this image. It was very clearly taken without him noticing or paying attention, which we aren’t upset by. Anyone who walks around in a tail and ears, holding Hamburger Helper and a dog stuffy is really just begging to get sneaky shots snapped of them. Hopefully you don’t fall into this guy’s category, but if you do… Maybe leave the tail tucked in your pants if you don’t want to be quite so obvious.

#10 The “Sad Dads”

The Sad Dads sound like a post-modern rock group, but they’re nowhere near as hip. Trust us, you wouldn’t want to get stuck in a conversation with these sorts of men. These are the guys whose wives left them, whose trucks break down every other week, and whose kids are starting to get old enough to choose to not spend weekends with them in their one bedroom basement suites. This guy is the perfect example of a Sad Dad, carrying not one, not two, but four cartons of ice cream. They don’t look like good flavors either, and those eyes definitely say “this is all I eat now”. He’s trying to drown his sorrows in discount, low-grade Walmart ice cream, and it hurts our hearts to laugh at him. We can’t help it though! It’s just too funny. Sad Dads run rampant at Walmart, often without their kids. Maybe they think they can buy their affection with ice cream? It’s worth a shot, Sad Dad. We recommend trimming off that mullet, too.

#11 The “I’m Here for Deals”

Rob Greenfield is actually an interesting guy, having built a bit of an empire around calling out companies on their food waste and inspiring people to embrace the dumpster diving lifestyle. Depending on your stance, dumpster diving is either a way of life or way beyond gross. While Rob has decided that dumpster diving is perfectly safe and sanitary (if you wash the food and cook it properly, like anything, after), we had to use this picture to represent one of the more general folks who embrace the Walmart way. Those people are bargain hunters. These are the folks that cut coupons, combine deals, and dive for discounts at the bottom of the bin. Would you believe that some of these folks even dumpster dive? It’s true. When you’re walking through Walmart and see someone with 10 different coupons, run the other way. They’re one step away from jumping into that trash can. While we respect their commitment to the cause, it’s certainly not for us.

#12 The “Bad Parents Who Don’t Really Parent”

Sometimes the people you meet in Walmart are actually really gross. While there are absolutely amazing parents that shop at Walmart and have well-behaved kids that don’t bother anyone, there are also some terrible parents. People with kids like Walmart because it’s a one-stop shop, and it’s cheap. This usually means you’ve got the gamut of awesome young dads all the way to grumpy, middle-aged monsters. Take this guy for example. He was caught by other parents in Walmart dragging his daughter by the hair on her head. People were outraged and called the police, especially when he refused to stop. He told people to mind their own business, and it wasn’t until the witness put her photos up on Facebook that the police actually started an investigation into the family. While we know this is an extreme case, it does show the two types of parents with kids that are shopping at Walmart: They type who take the pictures, and the type who are in the pictures.

#13 The “I’m Probably Living in My Truck in the Parking Lot”

Yes, he is still technically wearing pants. And yes, that shirt should be long enough to cover him even if his pants are low-riding. Unfortunately, he missed the mark on getting dressed this morning. His shirt is artfully, stylishly ripped in such a way that we clearly see the plumber’s crack playing peek-a-boo in the Walmart frozen aisle. This photo has come from People of Walmart, which really hit the nail on the head. He’s the perfect example of the people at Walmart who just don’t care. They might live in their trailers in the parking lot, or they might still be staying with their parents. Either way, they’ve failed at being independent, and don’t know how to go about the world in any reasonable way. Maybe one day these past-caring Walmart people will get inspired to change their lives, but until then know that you’ll find them in the frozen food and pop aisles. Try and point them towards the shirt section, okay, employees?

#14 The “Old People Who Think They Live Here”

Perhaps the most normal Walmart people you’ll find, these two represent a demographic known as “old people who think they live here”. These are the people you’ll find sitting at dining tables, swinging on the patio furniture, and napping on the mattresses. Employees hate them, but the internet loves them. Usually you find them doing crossword puzzles, drinking tea together, or talking over the paper in a very well put-together living room example set, price tags included. These two look right at home, and no doubt it was up to some poor employee to break it to them that they don’t (and can’t) live there. Poor Walmart people. Nothing ever works out for them! On the bright side, at least they got to sit down for a while. We’re excited to follow in their footsteps one day when we’re ancient enough to get away with it…

#15 The “People Who Don’t Get Paid Enough”

And finally, the most important Walmart person of all. We’re talking about the people who make it all happen. Day in and day out, they stand there ready to answer questions and politely give directions. They know which aisle everything is in, and their product knowledge is second only to Ikea and hardware store employees. Yes, we’re talking about the Walmart employees. The sales associates, stockers, delivery people, and cashiers. The ones who clean up after the real Walmart people, bite their tongues when stupid questions are said and laugh in the break room about the ridiculous old people they had to wake up from a patio-furniture nap. Thank you, Walmart employees, for making it possible to keep such a staple of our culture alive. It’s a selfless job you do, and we thank you for it.